Friday, April 20, 2007

A step back

S has been creeping into my thoughts a lot today, uninvited.

I miss her. Today is a bad day.

Some examples:

~ I had a stick that I had folded into two, and was mindlessly bringing the ends together, like an alligator mouth. Someone said, "Ducky." S used to call me that. One of a million little intimate things. I remember breaking my nose, and the stupid cast. And how in love with her I was, my heart wanting to burst every time she called me that. Especially so long after.

~ Someone said, "for cereal." I hate that, now.

~ I was tired, today. Loopy. I started saying things that made no sense whatsoever. Random words. I used to to do that as we were falling asleep, together. Mumbled insanity -- just to get her to say, "What?" And I would die laughing, in love.


I am alone. Especially today.

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